Taking Charge of Her Marriage: A FLR Tale of Spanking, Figging, and Pegging

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I won’t go into the details, other than to say that my wife and I both recently gave up our careers and are experimenting with early retirement. We both thought that would result in spending a lot more time together, but it hasn’t really worked out that way. Lately, there has been an uncharacteristically large amount of friction around priority setting. What’s the biggest challenge you face being in an flr relationship, or what do you struggle with the most? Utilizing Domestic Discipline is something my wife and I have consensually evolved into after years of practicing spanking to one degree or another. For us, we started off playing with spankings before sex “ Fun Spankings“. This moved into us doing a little role playing. For one week, she would be my Mistress where she would command me to do certain things and dole out spankings for any misdeeds. The following week, I was her Master and the roles reversed. We incorporated the use of safewords (a word or phrase used to indicate when a spanking session was getting to be too much for the bottom), where we could test our limits and still have an out if we felt the need. Some problems are simply too big to be resolved with a spanking or other form of adult discipline.”

Our inability to agree became a major stressor. I honestly believe it might have been better, both for the relationship and for the project, had the client simply anointed one of us “Leader.” She was a natural in this authoritative/disciplinarian position. She was stern and in control the whole time. Not yelling or wailing the belt all over. She just gave me a REAL, very harsh domestic discipline spanking. One that brought tears to my eyes. One that I felt for days every time I went to sit down or lean against something. One that taught me a lesson that I did not soon forget. FLR Our Way

DD Our Way

Gentlemen, remember, you’re not just an observer here. The maintenance spanking is as much about you as your lady. You should approach it with respect and understanding of its purpose. You might feel a mix of anticipation, vulnerability, and even excitement. Allow yourself to be swept up in the ritual and savour the feeling of being under your lady’s control. Let the spanking be an affirmation of your devotion, a testament to your place in the relationship, and above all, a tribute to your beloved Dominant. Aftercare, Emotional Connection and Rewards Practically, many men (and women) in these relationships won’t want to revoke them, because they work. They allow him to let go of control, which is often one of the goals. They impose boundaries, which often serve both parties’ interests. She gets more control and a better behaved husband.

There are many ways to be in an “Female Led Relationship” and we’ve evolved into something that works very well for us. For some, FLR indicates that the woman calls ALL the shots and makes ALL the decisions regarding the household, finances and events. The man’s position in this situation is that he does exactly as instructed by his wife or girlfriend. Not what we do but as long as its consensual, safe and sane…more power to you. Even though I’ve been in a Female-Led Relationship (FLR) that includes F/m discipline (spanking) for over fifteen years and am a big advocate of couples exploring the lifestyle, I’ve always cautioned that it’s not a panacea, especially where big, gnarly individual or relationship issues are concerned. His view was that since he had more overall experience, I should just defer to him. My view was that I had much more experience with the client and better insight into the resolution they were most likely to support. Catherine: “In our relationship, maintenance spanking is like Sunday brunch – regular, intimate, and something we both look forward to. It keeps things spicy and allows me to establish dominance in a very tangible way. It’s our own dance of power and trust. My advice? Make it a ritual, make it regular, but above all, make it yours. Tailor it to your relationship’s needs and let it remind you of your unique dynamic.”We think one misconception people might have about a FLR is that it is some weird, kinky whips and chains relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth in our marriage. Another misconception is that some people may feel the man in a FLR is somehow ‘weak”, or a pushover. Again, nothing could be further from the truth in our marriage. Gary is a very masculine, strong and assertive man. We feel it takes exceptional strength for a man in or society to take the subservient role in his marriage to a strong woman whom he respects. We both have the utmost respect for each other, and for the roles we have accepted to make sure our marriage flourishes. Gary is very dedicated to making Kathy’s life as the dominant partner as stress free and happy as possible. He gets much satisfaction from seeing kathy happy, and enjoys “serving” her to assure her happiness. Likewise, kathy is 100% committed to meeting gary’s needs as a dedicated and loving submissive husband. I had been allowing my bad mood to fester, up to the very point at which she made it clear she was going to do something about the communication issue. Some of us talk about it in terms of “consensual non-consent” or, perhaps less controversially, “blanket consent.” We consent to the disciplinary relationship as a whole, and perhaps to the rules that govern it. But, we don’t want to have a choice on whether particular spankings are given or other disciplinary measures applied within that context. Some of us take it a step further and say that once we’ve consented to the disciplinary relationship, she can take a “for any reason” approach to how to apply it. Discipline and punishmentis a difficult area in a loving FLR. I have a marriage based on love and the implicit agreement of the transfer of power to one person: me. So this gives me challenges.

Men in a Female/male domestic discipline relationship who want something like “consensual non-consent,” however, aren’t pretending that there is literal non-consent. Alice has to present as a girl in the home. I know many FLRs and femdom relationships don’t use feminisation but this is discipline rule number one for me. I expect her in female ‘wear’ at all times at home, female underwear outside and to have a female beauty regime. Yes, I certainly did do that,” I said with a laugh. “Remind me of how I corrected you that evening in front of the Johnsons and the Millers.” Our friends had a charming view of your bright red bottom while you stood there. Marge and Evelyn seemed to enjoy the sight immensely. Strangely, I don’t think Sam or Bill so much as glanced in your direction through the entire thirty minutes.

Even though the spankings I give him are very real and very painful (even to the point of tears), he has told me on many occasions that he appreciates me holding him accountable in this way. He has told me that he feels no resentment for the spanking as it was earned and that he feels a sense of calm and balance afterwards. Side note…after a good spanking…he is a model citizen around here – very eager to please, in a great mood and very productive! The biggest challenge for us is incorporating our wife led marriage into our relationships with our children. Like all couples we sometimes have differing opinions on how to respond to issues with children. That conflict of opinion was a significant challenge for us prior to our commitment to WLM, and has improved even more since incorporating domestic discipline into our marriage. Gary has a great deal of input on the issues with children, but in the end Kathy makes the decision and Gary is expected to embrace her decision. If he fails to do so he will be punished quite severely, because this is a very important issue to Kathy. She handed him the paddle and then excused herself. He could hear her at the desk out front, making calls, arranging the rest of her week. The paddle felt heavy in his hands. He feared it. How different this was. Before, he was the one feeling masterful, in control, powerful. Today he felt unsure, giddy, excited. What would happen? How severe would she be? He knew she would show no mercy. He knew she would take him far down a dark path. Would he be able to let go and fall into the abyss of submission? Of complete pleasure and safety? The plain fact is, many men in these relationships want it to feel like discipline is imposed, i.e., that it’s going to happen whether they like it or not.

While our wife led marriage is generally a private matter between us, we do not go out of our way to hide the fact that Kathy is the ultimate authority in our home. Many of Kathy’s friends have become aware that kathy is “in-charge” and seem to be very supportive. We have been told by many people that they admire how well we get along, and how respectful Gary is of Kathy and her desires. Gary has told a couple of his friends that “Kathy is in charge”, but we are not sure how they interpret that. Our children are aware that “mom is in charge”, but to them we feel it means in the end “mom gets her way”. :-)When the husband feels the bottom line is rejection or its threat he resents his wife because, as I’ve said, he feels he is the one doing the favor by staying in the relationship. He will think to himself, If she thinks she can do so much better without me, let her try. He may even say this at times. And where do you go from there? Most women in a marriage, especially if there are children, feel even more trapped than their husbands. Because a mother’s commitment to her children is stronger than even the best of fathers and because she knows it is best for the children that the marriage stay together, most wives do not want to make good on their threat of rejection. This increases her despair and makes her feel even more powerless to affect her husband’s behavior. She leads me to the woodshed, to mete out very real punishment whenever I get out of line or fail to do something I set out to do (#RealAccountability).