Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

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I recently recommended this book to a friend and he had the same reactions that I did to the content. It faults trusting and believing in the commitments made to you, and it makes you feel foolish for having loved someone so unrequitedly. I am ready to take back my life from my using, abusing, narcissistic husband and life it to the full again. It presents itself as self help but having read it I personally think this book would be better suited as a stand-up comedy routine in an off-beat night club.

Every cheater is 100% responsible for their choice and its consequences, but understanding an affair means giving attention to the unique vulnerabilities at play. They’re already re-writing the narrative to justify their actions and make them look better to themselves and others. the anxiety/fear just gets pushed down submerged its like pushing a beach ball under water it only stays submerged temporarily.

Because negative thoughts oftentimes come with a very convincing emotional component they easily link in to fear of not being capable, or loved, or chosen etc.

Cheaters often display emotion when their affairs are discovered, but if you pay attention, it’s usually sympathy for themselves—not the pain they inflicted on you. While I encourage open, honest dialogue when there is disagreement, there should be some attempt to do so with respect and a willingness to listen. She uses a lot of jargon but provides a glossary and some of her sayings are awesome: Don’t waste your life on a barbed wire monkey (p. You cannot cheat on someone without gaslighting and lying to them, denying their reality, bit by bit, lie by lie. It simply takes the basic, generally-accepted tenets of self-respect and applies them (gasp) to the world of divorce.It is fairly closed minded to think that people can't learn from their mistakes and step up to be a better person, or that others aren't capable of forgiveness and reconciliation. All this while being a single parent to a disabled older child who is now 10 and a baby who is now 2. The book is based on the stark polarity of 'right wrong' 'saint sinner' 'good bad'-with no in between. You had a Potemkin partner, but that doesn’t mean that plastic cutout person fronting a lie is a reflection on you. They usually try to up their kibble game with “remorse,” or more in-your-face antics to get a rise out of you.

I think I'm going to end up getting through it in one sitting and I'm probably also going to get the physical book too. I do believe that through my recovery from this, I will continue to reference this book to get me through the uncomfortable times.when we laugh it creates a positive release of tension and eases the angst however I genuinely feel this authors use of humour disarms the reader allowing the negativity element to bypass the inbuilt natural aversion most of us have to hostile communication. This book is amazing - a self help book that truly has given me tools on how to help myself in the most difficult trial of my life.